Melissa and the Dead Keyboard players

Melissa Birch was my friend from 1991 to 2016. We were neighbors on Channing Way in Southwest Berkeley California for 11 years. She lived in a big old collective? commune? anarchist meeting house? Whig party meeting space? down the street from our family house.... I loved it there because one of her men, Bob Berry, always had weed. 

I was a chronic weed smoker back then, so was Bob. It's killed him now but I'm still here having entered recovery for weed addiction in 1994.

Anyway, Melissa and I both loved the Grateful Dead. She'd grown up in San Diego and me in San Francisco so it just kind of runs in our veins you know? 

This memory came to me this morning in association with listening to a song this morning- "Friend of the Devil", lyrics by Robert Hunter, music by Jerry Garcia and John Dawson. (In case you're interested the track I listened to was 12-6-89 Oakland), an earthquake benefit.  I can't remember whether I was at the show although I did live in the East Bay at that time. 

I can't remember a lot of things, minutiae mostly, but I do remember dancing to numerous keyboard solos at Dead Shows with Melissa and finding her suddenly at my shoulder saying confidentially- "I really like this keyboard player they have". 

Now, you really must be an old timer dead head to get this. At my first Dead show in 73 Bruce Hornsby was keyboard player. After that, there were three more, the job being somewhat hazardous, these guys just kept on dying (you'll have to look elsewhere for the minutiae on the Dead keyboard players).

Every time that Melissa heard a piano/keyboard solo, she was impressed and thought it was a new guy, and she'd share her thoughts with me. 

So funny. I miss you Melissa. 

Butterfly blog- in the thick of the chaos

Two monarchs eclosed sometime late last night. There's too much pollution from the California fires to release them today. I'm not disturbing them, they remain basically in the same shape as they emerged, but their wings have fully unfolded and dried. Later they'll want to spread them and fly away. I'll try to put it off for a while.
They're brothers of Speedy. I rarely name the creatures, Speedy acquired her name naturally as a tiny larvae making repeated trips to the top of the caterpillar habitat long before time for her to pupate. I'd tempt her back down to fresh milkweed leaves, but an hour later find her on the ceiling again.
Last week he eclosed, Not realizing it was Speedy (number 49) I took her out to Tutu's Tot Lot (my backyard) to release her. She flew straight up into the air over my head. I tracked her until I couldn't anymore. Very distinctive. Forest Peter loved hearing the story about how Speedy blasted straight up into the air like that.

Anniversary of a Suicide

I had a lover.
He shot himself at Swimmer's Delight.
He gave up right as we began tilting back toward the light.
December 22.

December 17-19 he drove the 500 mile round trip to visit me, and return to Eureka.
December 20 he rested- he was very ill by that time.
December 21 he visited his best friend and longtime co-sponsor
December 22 he drove to the river bank and shot himself dead.

I got a text message from the Humboldt County Coroner, "please call us as soon as possible".

Depression is chronic emotional pain.
It increases geometrically- out of proportion.

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Denial on Day Three

I love you very much but a lot of things happened and some of them were very hurtful to me.